In the conversation above, Carol Anne’s relationships with her daughter and ex-husband are changing and growing as they navigate the uncharted waters of divorce and shared child custody. Armed with a positive outlook, Carol Anne finds that when she focuses on the big, beautiful things in her relationship with her family, she can weather the emotional storms that pass through her heart.

Here is an exercise you can do to keep the beauty of your relationships blooming. This is also a good exercise for realizing that the big, beautiful decision may be to end the relationship.

Love Exercise:
The Small Thing v The Big Beautiful Thing

Every day we choose the small damaging thing over the big beautiful thing. We dissolve long friendships over gossip. We end marriages over money. We choose pain over love. We give up what we wish for most because it didn’t meet our expectations of true love.

In your most important relationships, how much do you accept yourself and the other person? How many times have you chosen the small thing over the big beautiful thing? The below exercise is designed to help you acknowledge how you’ve built the foundation of your relationship, and how you can strengthen that foundation with acceptance and love.

This exercise has been simplified and shortened from the version you will find in the book, Hand Me a Wrench, My Life Is Out of Whack.

Using paper and pen/pencil, choose a relationship you’d like to work with for this exercise.

1. Divide the paper into three vertical columns. Title the columns left to right: “Love it,” “Drives Me Nuts,” “Why.”
2. In the “Love it” column write down one thing you love about your relationship.
3. In the “Drives Me Nuts” column, write down one thing you don’t like about your relationship.
4. In the “Why” column write down why you feel the way you do.
5. Turn the paper over or get a new sheet. Divide the paper into three vertical columns. Title the columns left to right: “Small Thing,” “Big Beautiful Thing,” “New Decision/Behavior.”
6. In the “Small Thing” column, write out your fear/judgment/expectation/sadness that surfaces when the other person does the thing that drives you nuts.
7. In the “Big Beautiful Thing” column, write out what part of your love or acceptance of yourself or the other person is blocked by the small thing.
8. In the third column, write out the new choice you are going to make so you can be side by side addressing this problem, instead of putting this problem between you.

It’s possible that your new decision will be a change in behavior on your part that doesn’t require any discussion. Other types of problems will require the two of you working in supportive partnership to solve it.

When you introduce the subject, talk about how the other person’s behavior affects you rather than point out that their behavior is wrong. Remember, the goal is to do this side by side. No one is going to be right in this discussion, but you both can be loved.

Find this and many other life-affirming exercises in Laura’s new book, Hand Me a Wrench, My Life’s Out of Whack: Understanding the Decisions We Make and Discovering the Power to Change.


Finding Love


Love Is Everywhere Exercise:
“I Don’t Believe I Will Find Love…” “Really? No Naps or Cupcakes Where You Are?”

Okay, I’m not even going to waste time explaining it, or telling you a story. We’re going directly to the game. We’ll talk along the way.

For this game, you can use paper and pen, or you can audio record your thoughts, either way is fine.

1. Write/record all the little things you love/make you happy/make life a joy: pancakes, sea breeze, dog licks, cozy sweaters, a Saturday in the garage working on stuff, the sound of the local high school football game on Friday nights, etc.
2. Write down all the things you love about yourself: your laugh, your nose, the way you figure out problems, the feeling you have when you meet someone’s eyes and you know the two of you are thinking the same thing, how good it feels to stretch in bed when you first wake up, etc.
3. Compare the two lists. If List 1 much longer than List 2: You won’t FIND the love of another until you FIND the love you’ve got laying around within you. How can anyone see YOU if you are covered with dust and neglect?
4. Keep working on List 2 until it’s at least as long as List 1. You’ve got to be shiny, proud and smokin’ hot in love with who you are, otherwise you’re going to attract someone in the same dusty situation you’re in. If that’s what you want, that’s okay. Just know you are making that decision.
5. Find love in as many places as you can within you first, then you’ll find love everywhere else.

Find this and many other themes and life-affirming exercises in Laura’s new book, Hand Me a Wrench, My Life’s Out of Whack: Understanding the Decisions We Make and Discovering the Power to Change. Available on her web site: www.HandMeAWrench.com. To download a preview chapter as her gift to you, click on the icon below.