About Joe and His Family

Being loyal and helpful to his family is very important to Joe. In fact, his commitment to relationships and family bonds is one of his strengths – and his family knows that all too well. He finds himself manipulated by family members on occasion. They use criticism and demeaning comments to keep Joe depressed emotionally. This has been affecting Joe’s self-image.

This amazing, capable man started to think that he wasn’t a good person because he wasn’t able to live up to his family’s high expectations. Below is an exercise you can use to get your family out of your head. This is a fun exercise!

“I Don’t Believe I’m a Good Person…”  “Really?”

I will tell you up front that someone tricked you into thinking you aren’t a good person. They did this so they could feel better about themselves, exert emotional and psychological control over you, and enjoy watching you hate yourself as much as they hate themselves.

You allowed this because you most likely had to make a choice between accepting their judgment or not getting their love. Or possibly, physical pain or punishment was involved if you didn’t assume the unworthiness role. Regardless, you can remove these thoughts. These thoughts have been acting like Voodoo pins in your life, you might as well treat them accordingly!

Game: Removing the Voodoo Pins from the “You” Doll
This is a fun game because it reminds you are always in control, and always have the choice of what to believe as true about yourself.

1. Obtain or make a doll. You can make a doll out of fabric and rubber bands and some cotton balls — take about 10 minutes. Or, you can get a Barbie doll or whatever makes you laugh. It should represent how you looked and felt before the first thought came in (you may have to think back into early childhood or before that!)
2. Get about 20 straight pins. Pins with the colorful little balls on the end are good — festive!
3. Have some paper and pen/pencil to note taking.
4. Hold your doll in one hand, and your first pin in another. Decide what thought this pin represents. Ask yourself, there this pin should go to accurately represent it’s place in your soul (heart, head, throat, etc).
5. Insert the pin in the proper location.
6. Write down the color of the pin ball, the location of the pin and the thought it represents.
7. Repeat Step 6 until you think you’ve accounted for all of the thoughts that contribute to you not believe you are a good person.
8. Take a look at your doll. Imagine having a good thought about yourself with all those pins in there. Right… not easy.
9. Starting with the first pin you inserted, slowly remove it.
10. Referring to your pin/thought list, start with the first pin-related thought, write down your own belief/truth about yourself that you just freed by removing that pin.
11. Repeat Step 10 until all the pins are gone. Look at your new list of beliefs/truths about yourself and your goodness.
12. Keep the Voodoo doll around as a reminder that you decide to insert or remove the pins — no one else. And, if you do find yourself back in a “prickly” state of mind. Identify where and why you let a pin in, then take it out. Afterward, take a moment to acknowledge your belief/truth you just freed.